"Please try to remain calm. You're what used to be called journalists. You owe it to your followers."

"Now where was I? Oh yes. The International Physics Union has called this media meet to counter rumors on the nets."

"It's true our latest muon-antimuon collisions show a colloid k-shift in the theta quark tensor, but this very small nutation only affects energy levels of 10 to the 44th electron volts. So there's . . ."

"What? Yes, it could lead to what some irresponsible bloggers are calling an Omega Cascade, but that's highly unli..."

"OK you got me there. Technically that is true. At some random time there will be a spontaneous k-transition somewhere in space. And then the universe will, well, unexist."
"But that will only happen in the very distant future. According to our calculations there is no reason to